In a year, I read and listen to a lot of books, usually over 100. These range from pure fiction to psychology, history, public affairs and books on theology and Christian living. Most Christian books are encouraging, but I rarely find one that provides a unique insight on our faith and walk with Christ. This book is such a book.
Skye Jethani’s framework in With: Reimagining the Way You Relate to God provides a remarkably helpful and Biblically-grounded diagnosis of the prevailing, yet ultimately deficient, postures we often adopt toward God.
Jethani argues that the primary relationship God desires is one of intimate communion—what he calls Life With God. The core of his work is contrasting this rich, covenantal reality with four alternative, performance- or consumer-driven postures, each represented by a preposition.
Here is a summary of the four deficient ways of relating to God and the singular, desired way of true Christian communion:
The Four Deficient Postures (The Prepositions of Misalignment)
These four ways of relating to God fail because they attempt to use God as a means to an end, rather than enjoying Him as the ultimate end Himself.
Life Under God (The Posture of Fear/Obedience for Blessing)
This posture views the relationship in simple, transactional, cause-and-effect terms: “If I obey, God must bless me; if I suffer, I must have sinned.” This is a legalistic framework, seeking to manipulate God’s hand through rigorous adherence to rules and rituals.
- Flaw: It creates a system of works-righteousness, transforming the glorious New Covenant (cf. Jeremiah 31:31-34) into a burdensome Covenant of Works, resulting in either pride when things go well or deep discouragement and resentment when tragedy strikes (as it often does in a fallen world).
- Biblical Critique: This posture neglects the truth of justification by grace through faith alone (Romans 3-5). Our hope is in Christ’s finished work, not in the perfection of our obedience.
Life Over God (The Posture of Control/Pragmatism)
This posture treats God not as a divine Person but as a collection of governing principles or formulas to be mastered and applied. The goal is to gain intellectual and pragmatic control over one’s life, career, or ministry. God is abandoned in favor of “proven formulas and controllable outcomes.”
- Flaw: It replaces a personal relationship with a mechanical process. The believer focuses on managing their environment and outcomes (leadership principles, success blueprints) rather than surrendering to the sovereign will of God. This often leads to a practical atheism where success is credited to human acumen.
- Biblical Critique: This errs against the Sovereignty of God and the need for humility. The proper knowledge of God is intertwined with the proper knowledge of self. When we seek to be over God by controlling our circumstances, we deny the mystery and ultimate power of His providence (Psalm 115:3).
Life From God (The Posture of Consumerism/Acquisition)
In this approach, God’s value is determined by His usefulness and the gifts He provides (health, wealth, personal comfort, fulfilling experiences). The Christian life becomes a quest for divine provision—a spiritual consumerism focused on “What has God done for me lately?”
- Flaw: It confuses the gifts of God with the Giver. God becomes a means to satisfy our deep, self-centered longings. The focus is on personal comfort rather than Christ-like character, leading to perpetual disappointment when blessings are withheld.
- Biblical Critique: The primary aim of redemption is communion with God, not material prosperity or immediate gratification. When we live from God, we are seeking our own treasure, not God Himself (Matthew 6:21).
Life For God (The Posture of Activism/Performance)
This posture makes the Mission or Service the center of the Christian life, believing the most significant life is the one spent accomplishing great things for God. The pursuit of personal communion or discipleship is often sidelined for ministry accomplishment and busyness.
- Flaw: It often leads to burnout and defining self-worth by performance. The believer becomes a workaholic, driven by a task-master mentality, putting the agenda of God ahead of the Person of God, and substituting frenetic service for surrendered love.
- Biblical Critique: While the Great Commission is central (Matthew 28:19-20), service must flow out of a relationship, not replace it. This involves the priority of worship and truth (doctrine) as the foundation for all effective ministry. We are called to abide in Christ first (John 15:5).
The Desired Posture: Life With God
The entire Biblical narrative—from Eden to the New Jerusalem—is a story of God’s desire to dwell WITH His people. This is the ultimate posture and the core of the Gospel promise: “Immanuel, God with us” (Matthew 1:23).
- Goal: The goal is not to use God (Under, Over, From, For), but to enjoy God Himself.
- Nature: This life is characterized by three key relational qualities derived from the New Testament (cf. 1 Corinthians 13:13):
- Faith: The surrender of control—trusting God’s character regardless of circumstances.
- Hope: The peace that anchors us in the future promise of God, freeing us from the need for immediate, earthly fixes.
- Love: The intimate, relational communion that becomes the source and motivation for all service and obedience.
This Life With God is simply the life of a justified and redeemed sinner whose highest pleasure and duty is to glorify God and enjoy Him forever, resting in the finished work of Christ in every moment. It’s been five years since I released my first book, Seeing God: For Who He Really Is. While I didn’t address the pitfalls as directly as this author does, I think I did capture many of the same ideas. I appreciate the truth found in this book, and I recommend it for any pastor or Christian leader as a helpful tool not only in discipling believers but also in engaging a lost world that is filled with many of these misconceptions about relating to God..
Seeing God 